What did they say?

We got the big sixty inch tv because well, we are cool. And so now we can watch all of our shows in high definition and full color or something like that. At least I'm under the impression that it’s better. But one thing I know for sure, is that it is bigger. Yep, bigger. Bigger is better. And if you want to keep up with technology you have to get a new tv about every two years. Pretty soon we will have to remodel to make space for the new tv that will be in stores ready to buy and make our lives better. Because, bigger is always better, right?

So what happens when that bigger, better tv is, not so much better but just bigger. Sure the picture that you are looking at is so clear that you could probably walk right in and take a swim. Or reach out and take the hand of that good looking person selling vacuums, or eat the food right off the plate of Chopped. 

But all the while you are saying, what did they say, to your spouse because the voice quality is just not that great. You find yourself cupping your ear trying to make out the actual voices and what they are saying about that dish they made with lemon, squid and chocolate sauce. But nope, no amount of leaning in and focusing helps you with the dialogue. You are left to watch the show like you would an episode of Buster Ketton, only without the helpful cue cards in between scenes. You see the struggle between the cook and the chocolate lemon squid but you don't really know what is happening because you can’t hear the dialogue.  Even a sign held up by one of the people on screen saying “help!”,  Wile E. Coyote style, would help.

Following food shows is not so bad because they start with an empty plate and three or four people and end up with a plate full of food and one person, so you can pretty much gather what happened. Something got cooked and put on the plate and the other people got shown the door. And you can assume that it was because the people that have on suits and eat the food, that they didn't cook, made those people leave because they offended them in some way. They probably said something like, “I can’t believe you put the lemon and chocolate together in such a way that it slapped the squid in the face, you will have to leave now.” Or at least this is what you might assume. Because you have no cue cards.

I know what you’re saying, why not just turn it up? Yes, you could do that but not when you have put the kids to bed and you are trying to be courteous. I know the TV companies don’t care about that. They just want you to turn it up, because louder is better, right? And while you are at it, plug in the surround sound and get the house shaking. Because watching TV is an experience. Not something you do, just to relax and unwind.

And what do you do when you are watching a show that has an actual storyline? You have to rely on body language and your new found skills of lip reading. It is even worse when you are watching anything that has action or suspense, because then there is background music. That, I know, is supposed to clue you into the fact that something is going to happen. And something always does happen when you hear that music, but what, I couldn't tell you, because I couldn’t hear what they were whispering through the music! Like my husband said the other day, after turning it up many times, with no better hearing success. “Are we going to have to watch this in subtitles?”

I have always had a hard time hearing TV voice, more then the next guy. So watching a show and only having my interpretation skills to guide me, is pretty much where I live. I have mastered the art of figuring out who is bad, who is good and what the beef is, without any verbal help from these highly paid actors. It is kind of my super power. Well at least it gets me through. 

And yes, cupping your ear does help. But it also might make you look old, but then, so does turning every five minutes to your spouse and asking, “What did they say?”